>> Friday, November 20, 2009

I always thought that I was ok with change, perhaps not great, but ok. I have learned this weekend though that perhaps I am not so good at it. I like things to be familiar, I like knowing what to expect and I like what’s mine to stay mine.

This weekend I closed another chapter in my life. I guess until this moment I have half moved out of home, which even though I am slowly getting used to it, is still a big deal for me. So even though I spend at least 4 nights a week in Castlemaine, I still had my room in Melbourne there whenever I needed it. However, because I still had my large room, it meant that Jake still had his little tiny room upstairs, and because he is going into year 12 year, mum and dad decided it was only far for us to swap rooms.

So after about 2 months of denial, and 5months of refusal, the deed is done, the rooms are swapped and I don’t like it at all. I think the thing that I don’t like is not the fact that I have to sleep somewhere else, but rather the fact that my old room looks different…it looks like boy.

I think that maybe the other thing is the fact that my room was probably the only thing that has been constant since I moved. When I look back at this year, I feel like everything has changed and my life is almost unrecognizable. I know this is what's supposed to happen, and that it is making me grow as a person, but sometimes I wish I could just go back, I don’t know how far I would go…maybe not that far, but just far enough for things to feel familiar and safe. I now see why Peter Pan never wanted to grow up, being out there as your own person sucks. Its much better to be a little kid and not have to worry, but I know it doesn’t work that way. Sometimes things have to change, even if its not for my own benefit. I suppose that’s where my faith should kick in, trusting that God’s got it all under control and that I don’t need to panic, but its hard and sometimes even though its all sorted, it still hurts.

I guess that's just all part of the adventure!


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