>> Sunday, May 10, 2009

So its nice to be home, well back in Melbourne anyway, but today a number of times I was asked when I was moving the rest of my stuff and who could have my room and it really threw me. Not because I hadn't thought about or hadn't seen it coming, but because I just wasn't ready for that yet. It actually really upset me, I think what hurt the most was the fact that it would make everything so final if I didn't have my room here. I know that I will always have a room, but I wanted it to be my room.

I guess the other thing that makes it hard is that I don't feel ready to be living out of home, even now that I have been doing it for a few weeks. I think that even though I chose to go for the job in Castlemaine, I didn't really want to move out. I just had to, because the job was 2hours away and I think that this was what made think about packing up my room harder. I know that it is something that I will have to do eventually, but I am not quite ready yet. I just can't right now, its too hard.

I know its silly being attached to things like rooms and houses, but I guess its just the way I am, I have always got attached to things like that, even more silly things like iPods and computers, but I find them just as hard to give up. I know they don't love me back, but I feel like they might just a little bit and I think this is the same with my room. its a space that I ahve called my own for so long, everything in there is me and it holds so many memories. I know that I have the memories in my head, but its not the same. I know that one day, probably one day soon I will have to let go, but not today...today it's still my room and no one else's.

I guess that's all just part of the adventure!


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